She's boiled dozens of eggs, mashed a concerning number of potatoes, and seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall.“Aspetti!” hisses the emperor’s chef, his eyes wide as the tiny treelike structures make their way to the grand dining table of Domus Augusti.And the emperor, never one to mince words, takes a single bite before pronouncing it “fine but kinda boring,” thereby relegating it to side dish status, at best, for thousands of years.I’m fairly certain that none of the above actually happened, unless you count as fact a wild quarantine dream I had on Advil PM, which also involved Billie Eilish and, at one point, a boy I barely knew in high school.The green stuff, which does in fact have origins in ancient Rome, is said to have been engineered by the Etruscans, as an offshoot of cabbage.And some of its many modern iterations—looking at you, cafeteria steam tables, salad bars, and my late grandmother’s “casserole surprise”—are a stark reminder of that cabbagey connection, with brocc that’s soft and grassy, lacking in notable character.Good broccoli is the stuff not of quarantine nightmares, but of year-round daydreams, with tender, savory stalks and, optionally, crispy browned tops.Sometimes it’s just chilling by itself on a sheet pan and you’re not sure if you’re allowed to eat it, but you suspect your significant other will say it’s for his lunch the next day, so you sneak a floret while he’s just out of sight and burn the roof of your mouth.I prepared nine heads of broccoli—yes, I averted my eyes in the grocery checkout line in lieu of explaining the task at hand—the exact same way:.When it reaches a boil, remove the lid and add the broccoli florets and stem coins.In a large sauté pan or skillet, heat a few tablespoons of extra-virgin olive oil over a medium flame.Cover the pan and cook for about 2 hours, until broccoli is extremely tender, gently stirring a few times throughout.Set a large pot with a few inches of water and a steamer basket over high heat, then cover.When the water comes to a boil, add the broccoli florets and stem coins to the steamer basket, then cover again.Toss the broccoli florets, stem coins, and a few tablespoons of extra-virgin olive oil on a rimmed sheet pan.Toss the broccoli florets, stem coins, and a few tablespoons of extra-virgin olive oil on a rimmed sheet pan.(If the crispy bits begin to burn before the stalks are tender, you can turn down heat to 350°F or so and continue to cook.).Add the broccoli florets and stem coins, and cook until they reach desired tenderness, 3 to 5 minutes.Toss broccoli florets and stem pieces with a few tablespoons of extra-virgin olive oil and pinches of salt.Place broccoli florets and stem coins in a microwave-safe bowl and add a few tablespoons of water.But looks be damned, slow-roasted broccoli is tender, with concentrated flavor and lots of crispy bits, almost like French fries.That said, it browned so quickly that I had to pull it from the oven before the stalks were fully cooked, which might suit someone looking for more bite.Aim for as little water as possible in the steaming step to avoid soaking previously crisped bits.Steaming broccoli produces a more deeply flavored, almost earthy specimen than boiling, blanching, or microwaving.Consider grabbing a wok and sautéing broccoli at a high temp for just a few minutes, before finishing with a quick in-pan steam.
Edward R. Forte
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